I borrowed “How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk” and fell in love with it. Coincidentally there’s a sale at Kino and I got the book at a good price. The good part of this book is it doesn’t come down on stressed out parents for getting angry and doing the dumbest things when they get pissed. Instead it gives practical exercises and rules without ignoring parents’ needs. But like chess, it’s easy to learn but hard to master.
Just yesterday I lost my patience with my 6yo, and started to yell. She told me that I was always scolding her and later apologised for being so ‘naughty’. I was stunned and realised a large part of my relationship with my kids is driven by my words and actions. Like adults, children want to be understood and appreciated. Often, its the negative comments that have the most impact and these are what we repeat without noticing it.
The more you try to push a child’s unhappy feelings away, the more he becomes stuck in them. The more comfortably you can accept the bad feelings, the eadier it is for kids to let go of them.
One of the built-in frustrations of parenthood is the daily struggle to get your children to behave in ways that are acceptable to us and to society. This can be maddening, uphill work. Part of the problem lies in the conflict of needs. The adult need is for some semblance of cleanliness, order, courtesy, and routine. The children couldn’t care less….
A lot of parental passion goes into helping children adjust to societal norms. And somehow the more intense we become, the more actively they resist.